Looking like a cool cat with yo' pants on the ground.

Hello!

                My school has recently announced that there will be some new rules and regulations enforced by staff members and punishable by death (Actually, just getting booted out the door).  This is because at the last few dances things have been getting a little wild. I think these rules are pretty hilarious because they’re so specific. Apparently “Use common sense” was too general for the student body to understand.

1.       It is expected that all students will wear clothing appropriate for a school event.

Aw, come on guys. You mean I can’t wear just my assless chaps and a necktie? But really, that common sense thing must be really underused if you’d wear something inappropriate for a school event . . . to a school event?

2.       It is expected that clothing will be worn as intended at all times. Boys are expected to keep their shirts on. Girls are expected to keep their dresses at the intended length. Pulling skirts/dresses up is unacceptable.

WHAT IS THIS? You buy a possibly several hundred dollar dress, then don’t wear it the way that it’s intended to be worn? It’s probably because I’m a dude, but this just makes me understand women WAY LESS. Also, guys, it’s not the beach. Keep yo’ clothes on.

3.       It is expected that all students will dance appropriately. Simulating sex acts, dancing with hands on the ground, etc. are all inappropriate.

Now it was at this rule, for me, where I just started cracking up. “Simulating sex acts” is just such a fun and colorful phrase. And who would actually do it? What would drive a person to act like they’re getting down and dirty on a crowded dance floor with 200 people watching you? “Dancing with hands on the ground” also makes me laugh a bit. Maybe it’s just that I don’t get what they mean, and instead imagine a 90’s break dancer hitting the cardboard a bit too hard. But it’s unimportant, right?

                So, it has come to this. We’ve finally become so crazy that we have to be put in the corner for a time-out because people couldn’t wait until after the dance to do whatever they needed to do. I have nothing against a bit of fun when you’re alone or with a few close friends. But when you’re in public, surrounded by half the student body, don’t screw it up for everyone else. If you’re having trouble remembering that common sense thing, a rule of thumb is don’t do anything in public that you wouldn’t do in front of your grandmother.

Thanks for reading!

Matt Finley