Fishing!

Hello!

               This post is going to be all about fishing. Shout out to Sam for hitting me up with this topic. As the weather gets warmer, and it gets more tolerable for people to be outside, I’ve started fishing again. I made it a tradition last summer to go fishing almost every week, at least once. Unfortunately, during the last summer I didn’t catch a single fish. Not a one. It was awful. I went for weeks, enduring sunburn and poison ivy in order to catch a fish. And I never did. It was very possibly the most disappointing event of the summer. This summer will be different, though, I’m sure.

               Fishing is an epic sport, one of the best varieties. It’s man against beast, and it’s a vicious competition. You have to spend hours tying knots and baiting hooks in order to get out at 5 in the morning just to suffer failure when you don’t catch anything. Then you, the outdoorsman, are required to curse the fish into the darkest depths of hell. Because that’s the way that games are played.

               It’s also not really just a game of sport, it’s a game of wits. To be a really good fisherman you have to have the mindset of the ancient fishermen of yore. You have to be the fish, swimming amongst the shallows. But you also have to be outsmarting the fish, too. You have to know where it’s going to be before it’s there.

               Perhaps it’s my lack of these skills that causes me to be a poor fisherman. Or perhaps it’s because it really takes a completely different set of skills all together. Either way, fishing is actually pretty awesome. It’s really actually very relaxing. You can just chill and enjoy the changing weather as you stare into space for a while. Although it’s not the most active or involving sport, I still enjoy it quite a bit.

               So my goal for this year is to catch a hundred thousand fish, none of them smaller than eight inches. If that doesn’t turn out I guess I can settle for two fish, one of them bigger than eight inches. If all else fails, I’ll probably resort to changing my summer activity to hunting or something. Because god knows that can’t be more difficult, right? Either way, have a great day. This is Matt, and I’m out. PEACE! (400) 

Prom recap

Hello!

               Last night and early this morning was prom for Kennedy, as well as eight other schools in our area. As a junior, I usually wouldn’t have gone, but my girlfriend is a senior so she invited me. Since I’m a junior, I didn’t go to all the assemblies for seniors about what was going on when and whatnot, so I had no idea what to expect. I was simply there to look pretty and drive her around, pretty much. Since I’m a junior, though, I got to have a pretty objective view of the whole thing, and overall I was not disappointed with how it was done.

               First off, there was the Grand March. Essentially, it’s a giant photo-opp for everyone, and you can get your pictures taken professionally. This was perhaps the worst part of the whole thing. At least, the line to get your pictures taken was the worst. My date didn’t want to go up on stage in front of everyone, so we didn’t. We did, however, get our pictures taken. The line was maybe 40 minutes long when we went, which is too much. Seems to me like they could have streamlined the process a little bit.

               The next part of prom was the dance itself, which was very cool. It was held at some fancy country club, which was pretty cool. Very suave, very elegant. The DJ that they had there wasn’t the best, but they played some decent quality music, stuff that you could dance to. There wasn’t many slow songs, though, which was kind of unfortunate for all of those that suck at any other kind of dancing. There also wasn’t a huge amount of grinding, which was very cool. Although I have nothing against grinding, it’d still be kind of ridiculous at such a formal event. So I’m glad that people weren’t super dumb about it. Overall, the dance had a very nice atmosphere.

               The final part of the evening was the Post-Prom thing. Once again, with this I had no idea what to expect. I had heard from a few people that it was supposed to be very lame. So I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be really, really fun. They had a ton of free food, and I mean a ton. They also had an open gym, a bunch of different games, and a hypnotist. The hypnotist was pretty cool, he made everyone do a bunch of stupid stuff.

               All in all, I had a really amazing time at prom. I have high hopes for our prom next year.

Weird Al Concert Recap

Hello!

               About a week ago I attended a Weird Al concert! This post is going to be about my experience at said concert. So if you don’t like it, get the hell out! Except I’m really going to be polite and say that perhaps you should read another one of my posts instead.

               So a little over a week ago my friend sent me a text saying that Weird Al was going to be performing at the Paramount later in the week, and that I was going to go. Honestly, the first thing I thought was “who is Weird Al?” Later I realized that he was the artist that produced parody songs such as “Amish Paradise” and “White and Nerdy.” I had heard these songs before, but never really cared who produced them. But since I enjoyed some of his works, I decided to be a good wingman and go to the concert with my friend.

               The first issue that I encountered with the concert was the price. It was anywhere from 35 dollars to 55 dollars for tickets. Now, as a poor high school student that is actually a pretty significant amount of cash. So although it was a really cool concert, it was kind of dumb that it was so expensive. Another issue that I had with the concert was that it was on a Sunday night. I know that they have a very strict schedule for concert times, and we’re lucky that we got to have the concert at all, but still. Sunday night, it lasted until 11 o’clock, and we had school the next day. That’s not the best.

               All in all, though, the concert was a blast. It was maybe two hours long, and he did a ton of different songs. We got two (!) drum solos, which is funny if you’ve ever seen a Weird Al concert. He also did a costume change after almost every song, after every two songs at most. It was great, he dressed up like an Amish dude for Amish Paradise, he dressed up in a fat suit for Eat It, and he dressed up like a jedi for The Saga Begins. Overall, I loved it. He gave the concert an aura of light-heartedness and fun, which is great.

               To anyone that has the chance, I’d say that they have to go! It’s not even a suggestion, it’s a command. You’ll most definitely enjoy yourself. (406)

Hats.

               Hello!

                              Let’s talk about hats. Hats are now considered a cliché, or even a fashion no-no. At least, this is what I’ve been told, because I have no idea what’s what when it comes to fashion. This confuses me, however, because hats used to be a staple of fashion. Wherever you went, everyone wore hats. Men wore hats, women wore hats, children wore hats, cats wore hats, dogs wore hats, EVERYONE WORE HATS. That’s because at the time it was considered a social necessity. Now, it’s not. It’s not just that the hats are no longer a staple of fashion that bothers me, it’s the seeming lack of reason as to why that bugs me. Fads in general are weird. Why is something popular one day but just plain stupid the next?

               An example of a big fad is the great #YOLOSwag epidemic of 2012. It seemed like everywhere you went people were dropping hashtag YOLO like a rapper drops rhymes. It was ridiculous, and everyone had to have known it, but did it anyway. Now, when people look back, they say that it’s stupid, “oh my god how did I ever do that.” Another example of a common fad is the hashtag thing itself. People began using the hashtag symbol to highlight a particular topic on Twitter. Then people started using them all the time, on Facebook, and even in common speech, which is ridiculously stupid.

               Anyway, don’t fall for fads. I suppose that is the point of this very short blog post. Fads are dumb, you’ll probably regret it. Like big hair from the late seventies. BIG HAIR WAS AWFUL. (272) 

"Because I Have To" Becomes "Because I Want To"

Hello!

               This poetry assignment has really gotten me thinking, folks. And by poetry assignment I mean the assignment that required me to write “Because I Have To,” the post right before this one. When my English teacher assigned poetry, I was really put off. I absolutely hate writing poetry. Especially poetry that has to fit in a rubric. Especially poetry that everyone has to write. Especially poetry that everyone has to read in front of everyone.  To me, it seems like you are really taking the “soul” of the assignment and watering it down to the point where it doesn’t mean anything. I say as much in my poem, as well as the commentary. So, because it’s what I do, I bitched and moaned about the assignment. I vowed to write the snarkiest, angst-fueled poem in the history of angsty teenage poetry.

               I tried to do it, too. I spent hours contemplating what to write about and how to write it. I poured a lot of time into making it the best poem it could possibly be. I tried and tried and tried, and then when I got done trying I tried some more. When it was finally done, I looked at it and I was proud. It was something that I put the time into and it paid off. And I realized when I was done that I had actually really enjoyed the project. It was really pretty fun.

               So what I’ve learned from this is that if I actually put effort into something, I enjoy it. Hopefully that remains true with everything, because I’d start putting more effort into a lot of things if that were the case. I mean, wouldn’t everything be just a little more awesome if you didn’t think of them as a job or chore, and instead thought of it as fun? I think that a profession in which that is the case is everyone’s dream. Think of the possibilities! Digging ditches and flipping hamburgers would no longer be a dead end job that you’re stuck in for the rest of your life! It’s now your dream job! . . . But maybe that’s too much to ask.

               Instead, perhaps it would be fruitful to simply put more effort into everything you do. That way you can feel much more accomplished when you do get something worthwhile done. I know it worked for me! Anyways, I’m done with this post. If you’d like, go read my poem and leave a comment on it. My AP Lang teacher wants me to submit it to the literary magazine from my school, but I’m not sure. (439)

Because I Have To

Because I Have To

A Literary Work by Matthew Finley

Because I have to

Forge my jumble of thoughts and words,

Beautiful in an abstract way,

Like ancient dinosaur bones into ugly black oil

Into a single

Over-refined

Point.

Because I have to

Pour meaning into the shallow pool

Of phrases that aren’t meant to be deep.

When I say the walls were blue

I mean that they

Were simply

Blue.

Because I have to

Craft a masterwork of tropes and schemes

Laid out to be judged not by man

But by our master The Rubric.

Like Socrates hung out on trial I’ll be punished

For saying what I

Believe.

Explanation of Tropes and Schemes

A Literary Self-Analysis of Because I Have To, by Matthew Finley

Syntax:

                One of the first things that I decided to include with this poem is the idea to end each stanza with a single word in the last line, as seen in lines 7, 14, and 21. It naturally brings each stanza to a close and finishes each thought.

Repetition:

                At the beginning of each stanza I included the phrase “Because I have to.” It emphasizes my criticism of the system we use in modern language arts classes, as well as tying each stanza into the poem itself.

Personification:

                In the third stanza of the poem I discuss the grading system used for these types of assignments. I use capitalization to personify the rubric used to grade them, as well as addressing it as our “master” in line 18. I did this to attack the almost prison-like atmosphere that results from being graded by a rubric.

Allusion:

                In the 19^th line of the poem I talk about Socrates, a man who taught about government in a style that was not good for the government at the time. They promptly took care of him by jailing him and eventually executing him. The allusion to Socrates once again emphasizes the prison-like atmosphere discussed in the above section.

Simile:

                In the first stanza, specifically line four, I use the phrase “Like ancient dinosaur bones into ugly black oil.” At this point I’m talking about the watering-down that occurs when peoples’ thoughts are placed into circumstances where a four year-old with a red pen could grade them. Comparing these two things with “like” makes it a simile, and if I do say so myself, an apt one.

Metaphor:

                In the second stanza, lines 9 and 10, I use a metaphor to compare phrases that aren’t deep to a shallow pool. This both continues to support the main theme of the poem, as well as being a play on words. You see, a shallow pool lacks depth.

Imagery:

                In the fourth line of the poem I use both “ancient dinosaur bones” and “ugly black oil.” These words can bring startling pictures to the fore of your mind, and continue supporting my point that forcing something complex to be something so simple destroys its quality. (495)

Clean Your Room!

Hello!

               Many kids are yelled at by their parents for various reasons throughout the course of their childhood. Most kids get yelled at to take out the trash, do your homework, eat your vegetables, and much more commonly – clean your room.

Everyone has a room, a place where they sleep, a habitat, whatever you want to call it. Everyone has a different way to keep their stuff organized, and they get comfortable with how their stuff is. So there are a few problems with messing with peoples’ rooms. Firstly, it destroys their carefully crafted order. If you’re anything like me, you know exactly where everything is in your room, all the time. When someone comes and messes with my stuff, I can’t find anything! Even though it’s “clean” by their standards, it’s completely messed up by your own. That’s just not cool. Also, peoples rooms should be a place where they can go and just chill. To just chill one must feel like they have privacy. If someone messes with their room, that’s an invasion of their privacy. DICK MOVE. Finally, adults usually make children clean their rooms when they’re having company over. If people come over, they’re usually friends or possible friends. These people should get to know the real you. I mean, yeah, your house shouldn’t be an absolute pigsty, but you shouldn’t have to Jesus-clean it just to have friends over. I can see where parents come from, but really. No one has a house that’s pristine all the time, and people should get to know the real you.

Getting to the point, perhaps in the ideal situation parents and kids would compromise. A child’s room should not be absolutely filthy. I mean, there are some levels of cleanliness that must be maintained.  But parents shouldn’t be neo-Nazis. No one likes it when their stuff gets messed with, because it screws with the order their room’s in, messes with their privacy, and creates unrealistic expectations for the future.  So perhaps compromise is necessary, but unfortunately very few people actually give a damn, so I’m going to debase this entire post by saying that compromise isn’t possible. Nothing will change about it, and parents will continue to yell at their kids about the same things for generations to come. That’s how the relationships work!

Petition to Nature

Hello!

               Let’s talk about weather. Specifically, let’s talk about how weather in Iowa sucks. Majorly sucks. We have too many extremes. In the summer it breaks 100 pretty regularly, and in the winter we get sub-zero temperatures without breaking a sweat, pun intended.

               Many examples of Iowa’s stupid weather are available in the past few years. One example of Iowa’s stupid weather is this past week. It started off sunny, with temperatures in the high fifties and low sixties. It was glorious; the ability to sit outside in shorts and a t-shirt was truly wonderful. Then everything took a turn for the worse as the week drug on, and it got really cold. I suppose it can’t qualify as “really” cold, because it was only high twenties and low thirties, but it was a lot colder than it had been earlier in the week. The sudden change was awful, and made for a miserable day or two for people who were wearing shorts and t-shirts and flip-flops. What was even worse was that on Friday we had freezing rain and some snow! From sunny and warm to windy and snowy all in a week. That’s some pretty crazy weather. Make up your mind, Iowa!

               Another example of our crazy weather is the flood in 2008. The water level rose like crazy, really fast, to a really high point, without precedent. The flood left hundreds of people without homes and thousands without power.  All of this happened because of our crazy weather, and it affected so many people.

               It’s not just these incidents that are upsetting about the unpredictable weather here in Iowa. There are a bunch of reasons why it sucks. For one, it’s annoying to actually have to watch the weather. Every morning in spring I have to get on the internet or read the paper to see what the weather’s going to be doing so I can dress accordingly. It would suck to be one of those people earlier this week who were wearing shorts and t-shirts when it was snowing. And let’s face it, most people are just too lazy to read the paper every morning for a season. Another reason it sucks is that it pushes a lot of people away. Most people like warm weather, so when you’ve got this crazy extreme weather, people hate it. So the point of this post is to petition Nature to change how the weather works here. Good luck. (410)

Get to the Point!

Hello!

               Since I’ve been a wee lad I’ve heard the phrase “less is more.” Whether it’s in advertising or other things, it’s gone into my ears hundreds of times. That phrase has recently come into a different light as I’ve started to get annoyed by people who can’t get to the point.

               There are many situations where rambling can be useful. For example, when trying to stretch out what should be a 150-word post into a 550-word post. That’s really nice, especially when you have to meet a specific word count by the end of every week. In general, though, rambling is annoying. Even though it’s annoying, it’s still considered acceptable when done by most people. Students, friends, mechanics, postmen, authors, engineers, cashiers, bakers, baristas, and many other occupations can get away with rambling without significant repercussions. There are some professions, however, that cannot. For example, teachers. When a teacher rambles to their class, it’s just plain dumb.

               On most of the days at my high school classes are 55 minutes long. That’s already pretty short, so ain’t nobody got time for dat. If a teacher talks for 25 minutes about what we’re supposed to be doing during the class period, then that leaves only 30 minutes left during the class. In itself, that’s not too bad. I can live with a teacher explaining something new, unusual, or difficult to us for a large portion of the class period. When a teacher explains the simplest nuance of something that we’ve gone over, however, is when I get pissed. And it’s not just me, it’s everyone. No one wants to hear the same thing repeated forty seven and a half times just because teachers like to hear themselves talk.

               Get to the point. That’s the point of this post. There are three main reasons why getting to the point will benefit you in the long run. The first reason that being concise is good is that people will actually pay attention to you. If you’re not giving short and to-the-point statements, people are going to tune you out. Second reason you should be concise is so you don’t piss people off. Some people are required to listen to you, if you waste their time they get mad. The third reason that you should get to the point is because you waste your own time. You’ve only got so much of it, so don’t waste it by rambling on.

               That is all. Point of the story, DON’T WASTE MY TIME. (418)

Spring is in the Air

Hello!

               Waking up this morning I heard something that I haven’t heard in months – birds chirping outside my window. That, as well as the warm weather we’ve had for the last two or three days tells us something – spring is in the air! All winter people have been waiting for the snow to finally melt, the grass to get green, flowers to bloom, and the weather to turn warm. That time of year is finally here, so I’m pretty excited.

               There are a lot of little things that I love about spring, and they seem so insignificant in the long run. For right now, though, they mean a lot. Firstly, the weather itself. I love it when it’s hot. I would take warm weather over chilly weather any day of the week, any time of the year. Most people will complain that it gets too hot in the summer, and they start wishing for winter. I’m a big fan of the heat all the time though, and wish it was hotter a lot of the time. It’s not just the heat that I like about spring, it’s everything. The birds come back, which is awesome (as long as they’re not crapping on your car). The grass turns greener, which makes everything look a little less dull, and let’s be honest, who likes a dull landscape? The same goes for flowers, because they start to bloom right about now too. Everything’s just nicer during spring than during winter. Even the smells are better.

               Secondly, I am a big fan of the activities that come with spring. I’ve never been a big swimmer, so I don’t go to the pool often, but I can relate with people who do enjoy going. I have always been a big hiker, so once the snow melts I start going backpacking and hiking a lot more. It’s great fun, a year or two ago I went up to the Ozarks for a week during spring break and backpacked around, it was the perfect weather for it. A lot of other activities open up around this time, too. Bicycling, running, soccer, basketball, and a whole slew of other outdoor fun can be had during spring that can’t be had during winter. Springtime is the time to get out and play.

               Finally, I’m a big fan of the miscellaneous stuff involved with the changing of the season. For example, the Easter holiday comes around. I’m not a big religious person, so I tend not to celebrate the holiday itself, but I love the candy. So every year on the Monday after Easter I always go to the store and buy a ton of discount candy.

               So I’m a big fan of the spring season, even if it’s just the small things that make me happy about it. So go outside, have some fun!

PROM?

Hello!

               Prom is coming up! Three weeks from yesterday people will be at Prom. Since it is coming up, lots of guys and girls have been asking their prospective dates in various ways. I’ve seen a little bit of everything this year, from good to bad. I know it’s high school, and a lot of people have “standard” expectations on how they’re going to ask or get asked, but people need higher standards. I mean, there’s so much cliché, over-used ways to ask people to Prom. You’ve got the standard, boring, P-R-O-M banner hanging somewhere.

               There’s so many better ways to ask. I’ve seen a couple really nice ones this year. For example, a friend of mine got asked IN BACON. What guy doesn’t like bacon? Another nice way I’ve seen is a friend figured out what the parking tickets at our school look like, got something similar, wrote PROM on it, and stuck it under the wipers of her car. Someone else I know wrote a girl a freakin’ song! And he performed it for her in front of a big group of people!

               What I’m trying to say here is if you have the chance, do something with style! Make a bang, because even if it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll have had fun, yeah? Give it a shot!

Boobs, boobs, everywhere.

Hello!

               Every day as an American you are probably subjected to at least one advertisement. Whether it is an ad for cologne, ice cream, the latest hit movie, a new pop band, a computer processer, the new gaming console, a new video game, you’ll see something. These ads are becoming more and more prevalent in our consumer-based society. You see them on billboards, running across your computer screen (Especially in the form of those annoying advertisements before Youtube videos.), pasted on walls, before the actual movie on the big screen, on television, and on the radio, to name just a few.

                What these advertisements do is magical, really. They can convince me of all sorts of things whenever I happen to see them. Take for example the awful infomercials that come on TV at 3 o’clock in the morning. Whenever I’m being a night-owl (All the time) and I’m watching them, I can see something happening to me. I mean, all it really takes for me to want a new 3-in-1 blender unit is a skinny Australian man screaming at me “Buy now and you can get TWO for the price of ONE, that’s right, folks: TWO for the price of ONE!”

                In all actuality, though, it’s pretty awesome what advertising companies do. They can tailor the perfect ad for the perfect situation, bringing a product to their desired audience in an essentially perfect system. For the sake of science, I’m going to show you what I mean through example.

                Take this ad and look through it closely:

 

                We’ll start analyzing the advertisement with the intended audience. The product is intended for women, probably young ones. That’s because the product is bras, duh. The ad is not specifically tailored to women, though. The amount of skin that’s showing is sure to at least get the attention of any young males browsing the most recent issue of “People.” These young males will want to try to push the product onto their girlfriends or wives.

                That brings me to the next point about the ad, which is how it works. The first thing the eye is drawn to is the women, of course. Namely their tits, to put it frankly. These women spout sex appeal like I spout worthless facts about turtles. Most young people, who aren’t yet completely comfortable with their body and all its failings, are going to want to look like the models in the ad. By placing their product in the ad Victoria’s Secret is associating beauty and sex appeal with their bras. “If you buy our product, you’ll look more attractive” is the main message in this ad. After you get over the initial shock of seeing such scantily-clad women, your eye will be drawn to the words. “New!” in bright pink letters will keep your attention, and then “I love my body” will once again put your mind on your own body.

                That’s all I’m going to do on the analysis of the advertisement, but I’d just like to say again that it’s a wonderful business. Some people call it manipulation, but I call it a form of art. (524)