PARTAY

Hello!

               At some time in many peoples’ lives, they’ve had some sort of party. Whether it be a birthday party, a Christmas party, or just a casual get-together, they’ve had one. Although they’re great fun, it sucks to host them, in my opinion.

               As the recent host for my sister’s “sweet sixteen,” I know that at my house the preparation begins two or three days in advance with cleaning. This is no normal form of cleaning, either. This is a type of cleaning rarely seen, but is the most strenuous. In some places it is known as “Jesus Cleaning.”  The end result is so sparkling white and shiny that it is almost blinding. I always get kind of frustrated while performing this crazy ritual. I mean, people are coming over to your house, why are you making it look like something other than what your house normally looks like? If your house is sparkling white, it looks almost unlived in. If it’s not perfect then it shows a bit more character.

               The second stage of party hosting is the party itself. This is probably the simplest part, because as long as there is plenty of food and drink, and if there isn’t a shortage of things to do, then your job involves inviting people in and showing them to the main group. There are a couple things that could go wrong, such as a couple getting a bit too friendly in your spare room, or the like. There is also that awkward moment when people realize that a particular party is really, really dumb, so they all leave at the same time. This can cause injuries due to trampling because no one wants to be the last one to leave.

               The final part of hosting a party is my least favorite, and it’s the cleaning. I mean, who wants to clean up a ton of stuff after you’ve had a bunch of fun? Or even worse, cleaning up a bunch of stuff after a really crappy party? Cleaning sucks, though. Those little red plastic cups seem like they take forever to empty and dump in a trashcan. Then you’ve got everyone else’s’ assorted junk to pick up.

               So parties can be insanely fun. You can have a blast, but hosting them can really bite. It takes three times longer to get ready for them then it does to actually have them. In my opinion, it is better to do what I do: just mooch off everyone else and go to their parties, never have your own. Just kidding, that’s a terrible thing to do. Cough.